Blacking Out Doesn’t Sever Your Social Contract
Your moral compass still points even in the dark
If you can’t trust yourself when you black out you shouldn’t be getting blackout-drunk. You shouldn’t be taking so many benzos for fun. You shouldn’t bang that much ket. You shouldn’t push the limit with opiates. You shouldn’t smoke that many joints.
Getting so intoxicated that you’re prone to blacking out is a privilege you should only afford to yourself if you know yourself so well that you won’t do something unforgivable.
Blacking out is not an excuse to break your social contract.
If you want to lose your memories for the night you cannot be morally bankrupt. And you especially cannot be deficient in introspection.
Blacking out in public is best left for careful and curious souls. Your moral compass still points even in the dark. The lights are out, gravity still exists. Calibrate your compass and study it before doing something so reckless.
I don’t get anxious when I can’t remember a night out. As a blackout veteran I’ve had many scenarios where I’ve lost my ability to retain memories, but over time I’ve come to form a trusting bond with myself. It sounds conceited but I know myself to be, beyond anything, respectful of others and their existence. I’ve spent a long time thinking about my place in the world, trying to understand my position here, and my relationships with others.
I’ve worked hard on knowing myself and my true intentions. I’ve developed my capacity for respect as far as I can, and I continue to do so every single day. I trust myself. I’m more reckless with my liver than I am with my social bonds. I’ve blacked out at conferences, work parties, and family gatherings. Back when I was a freelance writer, I landed a high-paying client whilst blacked out. I’ve made useful connections in this state. That’s not to say it’s a good mindset to be in when trying to forward your career, it’s more a point on how blacking out doesn’t inherently mean you’ll do something dumb, regrettable, or downright abusive. I’m known in my social circles to be kind when inebriated, regardless of how much I consume.
I don’t say this as something that makes me unique, there’s tons of people who also possess this quality and have similar experiences and reputations. It’s not a rare thing. What I find is most common about these people is they’re curious about themselves, and they’re mindful of other people’s existence and boundaries. These are the two largest factors at play.
Only when you know yourself can you safely minimize yourself. The layers fall off when you get that intoxicated. That’s why neurodivergent people mask less when they get high or drunk. But to be safe you need to discover those other layers in sober life so they don’t shock you or your peers when they’re exposed. If there’s something bad under the surface, root it out. If you can’t root it out, then don’t black yourself out. It sounds harsh but it’s not for you. This is not a statement on those who black out by accident or who are pressured to by forces out of their control. This is a statement on those who seek out substances in such quantities that they understand blacking out has a strong likelihood.
It sounds preachy, and to some extent it is. If you’re someone who reads this and considers a blacked out state to be one where responsibility fades, then it can definitely come across as a striking attack. Note that this argument is targeted at those who either aim for blacking out, or understand blacking out could be a direct consequence of what they take. It’s not a point about people who are spiked, people who get poured a drink that’s simply too strong, people who smoke a strain more powerful than they’re used to, people who forgot to eat lunch and to go to the club, or people who are adjusting to new medication. It’s not even about people who take heavy intoxicants in their own home, detached from everybody else.
This is a point about those who go out into the world and do it with force or intent. I’m talking about respect for other people. How you treat somebody when blacked out holds consequences. If you’re violent, mean, or prone to anger when in this state, you’re breaking your social contract. If you feel a deep hatred, frustration, or disdain for aspects of the world which are in your vicinity, then blacking out might not be a privilege you should afford yourself. Unless you know yourself so well that these layers won’t get exposed, you shouldn’t be entering that hollow headspace.
Societally, we’re moving past the idea that blacking out relieves you of all responsibility. Sexual assault, violent outbursts, and offensive comments are still treated with a level fo seriousness even when committed by a blacked out person. That’s a good thing. I extend this also to situations where somebody makes hurtful remarks, gets angry at others without solid reason, becomes insulting, acts threateningly, or does something else that causes another individual to worry about their own existence.
There’s a beauty in the void. There’s an attraction to it. Blacking out feels a little like nothing, yet the journey can be glorious. But you need a foundation of trust to go there. You owe the world a lot. The world owes you a lot, too.
